The location: a luxuriously appointed room at the top floor of a greenish oval-shaped building. The curtains are drawn and the lights are dimmed. The glow of 8 LCD monitors vaguely illuminate the faces of the people sitting in front of them. The air is heavy with the scent of expensive cigar smoke.
The heavy-set hulking figure sitting at the head of the conference table gestures at a monitor and speaks...
Boss: Did all of you see that?...TMNut share had dropped 40 sen this morning. (Puffs furiously on his cigar)
Crony #1: Ya Boss...wat to do lah. Foreign fund moving out...the market is quite slow this week.
Crony #8: Boss, how about another promotion? Lets jam more subscribers onto our overcrowded Screamyx service and cut the bandwidth to all by another 30%?
Boss: We had just done that recently...had you forgotten???. Hmmm...you are the new guy right? (Glares down the mahogany table at Crony #8)
Crony #8: Y-y-ya boss...this is my third day here.
Crony #1 smiles smugly as he watches Crony #8 squirm uncomfortably. The other Cronies stare at the ceiling/floor/curtains and try to become invisible. The Boss smiles grimly.
Boss: Then you dunno about our cash cow lah...do you know what is cash cow (lembu duit)??
The Boss types in a password and a few commands on the keyboard in front of him and presses the 'Enter' key. A smile of satisfaction spreads over his grim face.
Boss: (Pointing at Crony #1) Explain to him!
Crony #1: Yes Boss! (Looking down the table at Crony #8) Our responsibility is to increase and maintain the profit. So, when share prices are down, we disrupt Screamyx service in selected areas!
Crony #8: (Blur expression on his face) But...but...how will that improve profitability??
Crony #1: (Rubbing hands together in glee) Pakai otak sikit leee...when Screamyx service is interrupted, customers get angry and call out 1-300 number...bukan free punya call...kena charge local call rate! Sometimes the same customer calls 3 to 4 times a day untuk melepaskan frus kerana tak dapat online. We make them listen to a long recording, press many buttons, then make them wait like hell to speak to a customer rep...the longer the call, the more duit we earn laaa!
Crony #8: (Beginning to smile) Ahhhh...gua faham dah! So Boss tadi dah activate the cash cow!
Boss: (Slowly smiles) Crony #1! Next week I want to have vacation at Vienna. You take over the cash cow. Disrupt Screamyx in different areas where our statistics show the greatest number of complainers...especially just before the weekend and on Mondays. Make them call like hell to complain!
Crony #1: (Puffs chest out with pride) No problem Boss. I'll make them giler with anger!
Boss: (Standing up) OK good work everyone...lets take our usual 3 hour makan at the Crown Princess Spa today. Crony #1, charge today's lunch bill into the 'stolen telephone cable' account!
Everyone strides out of the room, eager at the prospect of a nice lunch and massage with 'extra services'.
The heavy-set hulking figure sitting at the head of the conference table gestures at a monitor and speaks...
Boss: Did all of you see that?...TMNut share had dropped 40 sen this morning. (Puffs furiously on his cigar)
Crony #1: Ya Boss...wat to do lah. Foreign fund moving out...the market is quite slow this week.
Crony #8: Boss, how about another promotion? Lets jam more subscribers onto our overcrowded Screamyx service and cut the bandwidth to all by another 30%?
Boss: We had just done that recently...had you forgotten???. Hmmm...you are the new guy right? (Glares down the mahogany table at Crony #8)
Crony #8: Y-y-ya boss...this is my third day here.
Crony #1 smiles smugly as he watches Crony #8 squirm uncomfortably. The other Cronies stare at the ceiling/floor/curtains and try to become invisible. The Boss smiles grimly.
Boss: Then you dunno about our cash cow lah...do you know what is cash cow (lembu duit)??
The Boss types in a password and a few commands on the keyboard in front of him and presses the 'Enter' key. A smile of satisfaction spreads over his grim face.
Boss: (Pointing at Crony #1) Explain to him!
Crony #1: Yes Boss! (Looking down the table at Crony #8) Our responsibility is to increase and maintain the profit. So, when share prices are down, we disrupt Screamyx service in selected areas!
Crony #8: (Blur expression on his face) But...but...how will that improve profitability??
Crony #1: (Rubbing hands together in glee) Pakai otak sikit leee...when Screamyx service is interrupted, customers get angry and call out 1-300 number...bukan free punya call...kena charge local call rate! Sometimes the same customer calls 3 to 4 times a day untuk melepaskan frus kerana tak dapat online. We make them listen to a long recording, press many buttons, then make them wait like hell to speak to a customer rep...the longer the call, the more duit we earn laaa!
Crony #8: (Beginning to smile) Ahhhh...gua faham dah! So Boss tadi dah activate the cash cow!
Boss: (Slowly smiles) Crony #1! Next week I want to have vacation at Vienna. You take over the cash cow. Disrupt Screamyx in different areas where our statistics show the greatest number of complainers...especially just before the weekend and on Mondays. Make them call like hell to complain!
Crony #1: (Puffs chest out with pride) No problem Boss. I'll make them giler with anger!
Boss: (Standing up) OK good work everyone...lets take our usual 3 hour makan at the Crown Princess Spa today. Crony #1, charge today's lunch bill into the 'stolen telephone cable' account!
Everyone strides out of the room, eager at the prospect of a nice lunch and massage with 'extra services'.
p/s: No wonder. Hail the great TMNut!!
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